By Pinky McKay
You may have read a dozen books and been to a number of classes and you may have decided exactly what sort of parenting style will work for you. The thing is that what seemed completely sensible before you had a baby may not actually fit YOUR baby now that he is here.
For instance, I have seen women with neatly printed and ruled routine charts and checklists ready to slot their baby in and then, when their unique baby doesn’t eat sleep and play according to the routine, the poor mothers are thrown into chaos. The worst thing is that rather than realising that the routine ( prescribed by somebody who doesn’t know YOUR baby) is unhelpful right now, mothers tend to think they are doing something wrong and this self doubt erodes what little confidence they may have.
I have also seen many women who write down every feed, how many minutes, which side, how many wees and poos and how many minutes of sleep their babies have. They strive to find a pattern and become so obsessed about what their baby is doing (or not) that they are not only creating an enormous amount of extra work, but they are so focussed on outcomes that they aren’t spending any time enjoying their baby – gazing and smelling and smooching and ‘drinking in’ this beautiful being. This is what really matters, not how long your baby sleeps, how often she feeds or whether you have her in a ‘routine’.
Remember, there are no rules. Now you may be asking, so how do I know what is right and who to believe? My criteria for discerning what is right –as well as trusting your own feelings – is to step back and check in by asking, ‘is it safe?” and, “is it respectful?” If you want to try some new advice or a new way of being with your baby and if it fits this criteria, then go ahead and see if it works for you and your baby. If what you are doing works for you and your family, it feels right and it is safe and respectful, then this is what is right for you. Of course, babies change so much that just when you feel you have things sorted and working well, suddenly what worked previously may not work so well any more. This is the time to reassess and perhaps try another strategy. Again, if you have any doubts about what you are doing, do your check in – is it safe? Is it respectful? Does it feel right? This can also work if you are told advice that undermines your parenting. And, if anything doesn’t feel right to you, step back and allow yourself to watch your baby and wonder ‘how is this working?’ ‘is it helpful?’ This is YOUR baby and YOU are your own best expert.
Pinky McKay is an international Board Certified Lactation Consultant and best selling author of ‘100 Ways to Calm the Crying’, ‘Sleeping Like a Baby’ , Toddler Tactics and ‘Parenting by Heart’. For more information about Pinky and her seminars, consultations and gentle parenting information, check out her site www.pinkymckay.com
Picture Credit: *NEW* Newborn BabyLegs















